My Mom

Well, I used this blog for Grad school and then I re-vamped it for a Web 2.0 class I took. Now, I'm going to give it a shot just for the heck of it. Hopefully it will give me some place to write what's on my mind.

I got some really upsetting news this week. My mom, who is 64 years old, has a comet shaped "spot" on the upper lobe of her right lung. The so called "spot" is 6 by 8 cm. It was kind of weird to get the news. At first I was in shock. Next, I was mad. My mom smoked for 43 years. She started smoking when she was 14 years old. She stopped smoking 7 years ago and within 3 months she was diagnosed with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. There is no connection between quitting smoking and the COPD. It just seems ironic that she quits and then she is diagnosed. I realize the damage was already done. I guess stupidly it just didn't seem fair. Over the last....I'm not sure how long, she has been coughing up blood. Strange too that they only found this because she was supposed to have another surgery and needed clearance from a pulmonary specialist and cardiologist.

Upon seeing the pulmonary specialist she was scheduled for an x-ray. He sent her straight from the x-ray for a CAT scan. Now she has to have a biopsy. Hopefully this will be scheduled for next week. They also sent her for a diagnostic mammogram today to make sure whatever it is hasn't spread. Ok, so now what is the priority? the first surgery or the "spot".

I remember as a child, hiding her cigarettes or worse yet throwing them away. This usually led to some kind of punishment... as cigarettes were expensive "back then". I have no idea how much they cost now. One time as a teenager, I figured out we could buy a new car at what they spent on cigarettes yearly!

So now, I keep reminding myself, it could be an infection, but the dr. told my sister that most likely it's not. And of course I feel like the "bad" daughter because I wasn't at the appt. I also feel out of the loop because all I have to rely on is word of mouth. I'm the one that usually takes the notes and writes everything down so I can come back and research what's going. I guess in a way the computer/internet is my security blanket. It's gives me a way to understand what's going on. Yes, sometimes you can get too much information, but at least I feel somewhat educated about the situation.

As I wait I feel helpless. The only thing I can do is pray. Pray for my Mom's health, my Dad's well being, the doctors that are trying to figure out what is going on, my sister, and my brother, whose wife is going through medical issues of her own. I have lots of people that I can talk to, but to be honest I don't really want to talk about it. I feel like it's easier not to talk about it. That probably doesn't make sense, but for now I think I'll talk about it like this.